A couple of years ago I was in a two relationship with a man I loved very much. We talked about marriage and family and like any other woman in love I was ecstatic about building a life with him. I had been in a long term relationship before him with a man who vacillated between wanting more children (he had a son) and not wanting more children. I was 36 at the time, therefore I decided to leave that relationship because I knew for sure that I wanted to be a mother. I could never trap a guy into parenthood, so I decided to go back out into the dating world. That's when I found 'the man of my dreams' (or so I thought).Let's call him uhhhh, "John".
Anyhow, John already had a 2 yr old daughter, who I bonded with very quickly and enjoyed spending time with. After over a year in the relationship, I told John that given that I was 38 years old I was more concerned that we work on the family first and then do the marriage/ wedding afterward, He was in complete agreement and even picked out names that he wanted for his son and I chose the name for a daughter. We were really giddy and happy. It all seemed so perfect.
We had our first try at making the baby and of course it was tons of fun. However, to my surprise - Big Fat Negative. Hmmmmm I became concerned so I told John that I'd feel more comfortable if I had my fertility checked out... just to be sure. He was fully supportive and even went with me on the day that I had the ultrasound. All the testing came back and my numbers and everything looked really really good. Woooo hoooo!! So I figured we would simply continue to try and likely it would happen, however if it didn't, the reproductive endocrinologist told us to come back (if it had totaled 6 months of trying). I felt comfortable with that. However, that month my intuition told me something was very different with John. Something felt very wrong.
All of a sudden there seemed this dark cloud over our relationship and I was naturally confused, because there was no reason for there to be. I asked him was he okay. He told me all was fine. However, his behavior told me that wasn't true. No longer was I able to easily reach him on the phone. Text messages (which used to be returned instantly) were being returned > 6 hours later or not even at all. No longer did he want me coming over. Our entire relationship changed over night, as he was never available anymore. I was upset, however decided I would just relax and believe in him (because I loved him) ... because, I mean he did say, "Sophia, it's all in your head honey. Nothing has changed."
Well, fast forward two weeks later and I received an email telling me that he decided he was tired of the relationship and wanted to move on. Wished me the best with my life. I was devastated. He told me that on the same day that I received my 2nd BFN (which he never even asked about).That was nearly two years ago.. Turns out John had been cheating on me with his ex girlfriend. The betrayal, lying, and letting go of my dream of a baby was really difficult to get through- however with friends, love, and support I'm just fine now.
In January 2011, I made the decision that I would work on having a baby on my own -with a donor. No, I never thought it would be ME doing this. I always thought I would be married and have my husband around always. However for right now, this is the way I will do it. I will work on finding a good man afterwards. I'm very comfortable with my decision.
Interestingly, out of the blue last month I received a text message. It was John. I was very surprised to see he was contacting me. I was equally annoyed! The audacity... to feel he could simply text me after the way he betrayed me. However, such behavior isn't atypical for a narcissist.
In the text, John told me that he hopes that I eventually met a man and had a baby of my own. He told me that he wanted to show me his two new additions to his family. Within the text was a picture of his 7 month old twin daughters he and his ex girlfriend had together. Yes, I was stunned and hurt ... I cried for over an hour straight and off and on for several more days. To contact me to share that information was cruel in my eyes; he was the one who cheated on me and hurt me- why return to twist in the dagger?! Why would I want to see pictures of his new family he has with the woman he left me for. Oddly, in the text he also told me that he is single again and has custody of all three children ... he misses me very much and feels he made a mistake by walking away. Just despicable, huh?
Delete, delete, delete.... and ignore! I want nothing to do with such a character (or person who lacks character). I'm moving forward in my life and I believe that there is a kind, loving man out there who will value me and my little family.
So, that's my story! :o) From here on out I will share with you all my current fertility issues and where I am with respect to the IVF process, etc.
Hugs!!!
Sophia
